


Years Appart

by SugaryMystery



Series: On the Kingdom [3]
Category: Original Work, exophilia - Fandom, exophilia writing - Fandom
Genre: Exophilia, Exophilia Writing, M/M, mlm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:28:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23814610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SugaryMystery/pseuds/SugaryMystery
Summary: Being the General of the Royal Army, Lord Atticus has devoted his life and youth in order to keep the peace in the city. But what happens when honor and glory aren't enough? What happens when the heart wishes to be a bit more greedy?
Relationships: Human x Half-elf, Male Human x Male Half-elf
Series: On the Kingdom [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1204357
Kudos: 4





	1. Greediness

**Author's Note:**

> I hope it's of your liking. I'll be posting this story on Tumblr eventually as well as the second part, feel free to follow me in both platforms. Citrus Scale: Lime

My body is tired and feels even heavier wearing the armor. Even though the horses have raced more than us we still feel tired just from standing in the cold. The sun it's bright even though is still early in the morning, our stomachs are growling with hunger and anticipation as we enter the peaceful City of Limel; our home.

Cheers and loud applause welcome my men, it doesn’t matter that we only took care of a few troublesome creatures around the land, the townspeople make their best attempt to make us feel appreciated as a show of their gratitude.

It is odd to believe that decades ago, knights were looked at with fear and terror, as they were bringers of death themselves, and every day was filled with hunger and misery. But now; happy smiles, cheerful laughs, and nonstop music drown every worry as the city lives at its fullest. We, as the royal knights of His Majesty, carry the honor and responsibility to make sure these smiles never fade.

We left the horses on the stables and I let my men rest before going to the king and leave a quick report of this adventurous but not uncommon evening. By tomorrow I’ll have to make a report with everything that happened but his majesty seemed pleased with my words. I have nothing else to do besides resting and killing time, I know some of the others would be heading home or getting something quick to eat. But for me, as weird as it sounds I make a quick trip to the tailor shop in the east part of the city.

Over the last year, I’ve come here for more than getting a few buttons added to my shirts. If it weren’t because I often need to make routine patrols around the perimeter I would spend my days visiting the lovely tailor that makes my days brighter.

I’m not a young man anymore; my white hair and peppered beard, as well as the wrinkles in my skin, are proof of that. I never married or had a family of my own, my duty took most of my mind and efforts so there was really little time for it, besides some fooling around, I guess. Vulen on the other hands is young, pretty, and full of energy and happiness in life. He’s got to be one, if not the prettiest young man I’ve ever seen before with his pure white hair and pale skin with cream-colored patches covering him. It was easy to say that I had a massive crush on him, but when you have reached my age you cannot be too selfish.

As I enter the shop the little bell attached to the door rings announcing my arrival. In front of me, I see him moving rolls of fabric from left to right before he turns to see me. A big smile on his face.

‘’Hello there Lord Atticus! What brings you to my humble shop this evening?’’ the cheerful and lively half-elf greets me. His hair seems fluffier than even and I can sense a dim fragrance coming from him; maybe rose water and clove? He sets the fabrics aside and walks towards me. ‘’You haven’t even taken your armor off, it’s pretty hot outside’’

I smile softly, just seeing him makes every worry look so little. ‘’I actually came to see if you have a spare shirt I can buy. I only have two in my wardrobe, and I’m afraid I already tear the one I’m wearing apart’’

Vulen puts his hands on his hips and pouts. ‘’How many times have I told you to buy more? Never mind, how many times have I told you to be careful with what you wear?’’

‘’Tell that to the beasts we encounter this morning!’’ I crackle. I love to make him a little mad from time to time. ‘’Those sharp claws somehow went through the gaps of this old can-suit’’

He sighs but doesn't seem to say anything else. ''Never mind, I don't think I have anything your size yet but I can make one for tomorrow evening. Oh, that reminds me! I already finished the pieces you ordered, would you mind taking a look?'' I nod and he disappears in the back for a couple of minutes before pulling out a jacket and a matching waistcoat from a large bag, both of them a deep navy blue, although the waistcoat is more stunning thanks to the golden buttons he chose. I try to touch it but he slaps my hand away. ‘’Your hands are dirty, let me show you’’. He lifts it in front of him and tells me to pay attention to the delicate but elegant embroidery made with black thread. Not very noticeable from afar but a nice touch that leaves an interesting texture on the fabric. I nod, pleased with the design, and Vulen puts it aside.

‘’I’m going to need to measure you again to finish the whole suit’’ he says as he hangs the piece again in a wooden closet.

‘’Didn't you already took my measurements? I’m pretty sure I haven’t changed much since last month’’

‘’Truth, but I never took the chance to take measurements for pants since you told me you didn’t need ones’’

I stand beside him and lean against the wall. ‘’Just the jacket is fine. I’m sure his majesty won’t mind if I wear the same pants as any other day, it's just a ball after all’’

He turns, blushing and pouting again in his own adorable way. ‘’I can’t just make a waistcoat and a jacket! If I’m going to make a suit I’ll do it from beginning to end, no buts!’’ he claps his hands. ‘’Besides, everyone would be eager to see the General during the Spring ball. Many ladies and gentlemen to court, you must be dressed to impress!’’

Courting, uh? If only he knew I only have eyes for his adorable face and delicate body. If only he knew how many nights I’ve fallen asleep thinking I can hear his voice in my ears and dreaming the most daring fantasies with him in my arms. Oh, if only he knew. But he cannot know, now or never. I’m already old, I give my youth and life to the city and have no regrets for it, and Vulen has all his life ahead to live it doing whatever he pleases and with however he wishes. I’m just glad I got to be this close with him.

I notice I’ve been silent for too long and he has tilted his head in confusion. I shook my head and put my hands on his shoulders. ‘’Well, if a suit is what you want to make then I’m no one to refuse. But I must warn you; if I look like a porcelain doll, I'm going to place the blame on you’’ I bump his nose with my finger and he giggles, turning around and finishing gathering materials to continue with his orders.

‘’So, how about tomorrow night? I know you knights are always busy making patroling rounds so I want you to be able to rest as well, would that be okay with you?’’

‘’I would have preferred doing it before sunset but as long as I don’t stay up too late for morning training, it’ll do nicely. I'll fetch that shirt too'' I wave him goodbye as I exit the door. ''See you until then’’

He waves back at me, pen in his mouth as he continues taking notes and doodling something in his small notebook.

* * *

That night, my head was filled with so many thoughts and feelings, yet, I had zero to no trouble to sleep. There was a little bit of joy in my heart knowing I could spend some alone time with him, this feeling was accompanied by an unusual nervousness I didn’t notice was there before. It made me remember when I was younger and would have a crush on every single cute guy I could see from afar; of course, my status as a knight back then made me a desirable partner whenever it was for single nights or many days in a row. However, I never felt anything particularly strong for anybody. I just spend days enjoying the pleasure and joy others could bring on me while also pleasuring them, but to commit to someone beyond that... It just never crossed my mind.

Maybe it's because I’m older now and hopefully more mature. Maybe it's only after so many lonely nights that I’ve started to yearn for a constant warmth beside my bed. I tried to find it like before, it was fun when it lasted, but my heart has become greedier. I want something much more significant than any task, and heavier than any armor. And to my joy and despair, the first picture that comes to my mind is of Vulen.

That fluffy hair and soft freckles. That pale skin with cream spots all over it. Those tender purple eyes filled with nothing but tenderness and love for life that never seen to amaze me. That soft and high pitched voice accompanied by a long-lasting smile. The moment I saw him, I knew I was enchanted. The more I talked to him, I knew I wanted to know him more. And now that I can’t stop thinking about him, I know my feelings have gone too deep for my own sake.

‘’If only I knew, how to stop it’’ I turn to see the stars from my window and can’t help but laugh at myself. ‘’But I know I cherish these tortuous memories too much to give up on them’’

* * *

That day I started as usual. I attended the morning training with the others, helped a few knights with their swords moves before going to fetch lunch, made a stop to report our findings from yesterday in better detail to his majesty, and finally went back home when the sun started to set.

It was still early but I wanted to take a shower and look as presentable as possible. I wanted to shave but remembered that Vulen mentioned how much he liked my peppered beard, so I kept it. Although I did put on another shirt that wasn’t ripped or sliced on the arms, I never put much attention to my own clothes before but wished to look as good as an old man like me could be.

I saw him outside the shop, trying to pick up the sign he puts in front of the shop by himself, although it’s obviously too heavy for him. I step forward and grab it, taking it in my shoulder with ease. ‘’Need a hand?’’ I ask and I’m rewarded by a deep blush and a nervous chuckle from him.

‘’I must be lucky to have the General himself helping me today’’. I take a better look at him, he looks dressed in a much nicer attire this evening. He’s even wearing a waistcoat and his shoes look shinier than a mirror. Maybe he's just as excited as me for tonight? That thought warmed my heart.

He opened the door for me and I left the sign on the side. Only once I put it down I noticed a rather nice smell coming from the back of the shop. Vulen lives on the second floor of the shop, alongside his older sister Velas and her one year baby. Even from outside, it looks rather small but I've never heard him complain before, always mention that is cozy and being closer to family makes the days go faster. I’ve been meaning to ask him before about his parents or if he has other family members, being both half-elves I can only assume they came from a complicated marriage, however, it is never an easy topic to talk about. My curiosity is ever wondering, but my worry keeps me silent.

‘’Are you hungry?’’ I hear him asking, taking his apron off, and putting things aside from the large table. ‘’I’m not sure if you already ate but I made dinner just in case you trained too much. Being so big you must have a big appetite, I assume'' he smiles. ''Although, Velas went to buy things in the nearby town so I hope my cooking is okay?’’

Uh? Dinner? I didn’t expect this. I was a little taken by surprise just because he was always about doing business and being professional, but now, this almost looks like a proper date. Both of us, having dinner on this cold night. Alone. With only candles to light the cozy room. 

‘’Atticus?’’ he calls my name and I visibly jump, snapping out of my thoughts. ‘’Yes! I mean-‘’ I cough. ‘’Dinner sounds perfect’’

Vulen claps his hands together and excuses himself while he fetches dinner just as it's out of the oven. I take a seat and rub my hands all over my face, feeling both ridiculously happy and terrified at the same time. ‘’A date? A proper date with Vulen?! I must be dreaming. Yeah, that must be it. I must be dreaming while I’m camping in the wild with the others, wishing for the comfort of my bed’’. I look at the flame of the candles and tentatively touch the dim flame. It burns my fingertip. _This is no dream._

He came back carrying a large pot with a steaming piece of lamb stake cover in some sort of glace, on top of a bed of baked garden vegetables. He asked me if I could fetch a bottle of wine and two glass he kept in one of the shelves next to the satin pieces. ‘’Not drinking while working, I assume’’ I smirk at him.

‘’Not during my job, so you’re assuming right. Although I’m my own boss, so I doubt I would get into much trouble anyways’’

We sat on the table and ate peacefully. The meat was so tender it was as if it melted in my mouth, the glaze was rich ad savory, complementing the umami and sweetness of the vegetables. It was a simple dish but with a twist to it; the side ingredients would tell it was home-cooking, fitting for a meal served on a busy night after work. But the fancy spices on them, and the cut of meat said that it was fitting for a large feast. We could live in one of the richest cities but that didn't mean everybody could afford most luxuries, and around common folks, pork or chicken is usually served on every table. I couldn’t help but feel happy; Vulen was trying to show off. Another thing that surprised me was how much Vulen seemed to eat, despite being petite and lean he was already eating his third-place while I was finishing the first one. 

We made small talk over dinner. At first, I notice he was a little nervous but eager to speak at the same time, he started asking if I would like anything else on the jacket or if I would like to add a hidden pocket in the waistcoat, after that, it was mostly fun chattering about what our lives have been before our current works. I told him that I’ve lived my entire life here and almost joined the army when I first got the change. Ever since I was a toddler, I've admired those knights in shining armor with pride filling their hearts and, of course, all the people falling to their feet or cheering their names. Little did I know that it was not only that, but I never regretted taking the path of the sword and shield.

Maybe it was because of the wine, or maybe it was because of the warm and cozy ambiance, but after all these months we’ve met, Vulen talked about his family for the first time.

‘’Our father is an elf, one that came from an import household to add more drama to the story. My Mama was a servant on their house; a simple human maid that was often cleaning the floor with a rag and sweeping the dust out of empty bedrooms and old shelves. She never told us how or why, but she assured us our father fell in love with her. Maybe it was her unusual way to be, or maybe was the fact that she wasn’t as cold-hearted as most women in his court. My sister and I came out with large theories about it but never reached a conclusion, it doesn’t matter really, he sent her away when he learned she was pregnant with Velas and put her on a house near his manor. After she was born, he started sending her money and came to visit her more often, but when she got pregnant again with me, her body couldn’t resist much after that and got weak and frail. She raised us as best as she could but eventually passed away before Vela turned sixteen’’

I was taken aback by the sudden rush of information. If I were to make assumptions base on how he lives his life currently, never before I would have guessed that he came from a complicated situation. He has always been so happy, but I should have already learned that smiles can hide the deepest pain behind them.

Vulen notices me frowning and laughs ‘’Please don’t make such a face! It is true that those were a good amount of rough years, and sure, if it weren’t for Velas I would have ended up alone in the streets. But I’m happy now, I can provide for her and my nibling, and I work in what I’ve always loved. Life cannot better, well, except for-‘’

I jump like an anxious puppy ready to receive the orders from its master. He has never mentioned wanting something before, but if I can fulfill at least one of his wishes. If I can give him some of the joy he has given to me freely…

But he shakes his head and drinks the rest of the wine from his glass. ‘’I’m not used to be selfish you know’’ he laughs nervously. ‘’Are you done?’’ he reaches for my empty plate and takes everything to the kitchen on the back. I help him cleaning up the table before he appears once again with a measuring tape and a little notebook. ‘’Let’s get your measurements before it gets too late. Follow me’’ and he leads me to his bedroom on the second floor.

For a second I forgot the windows downstairs are wide enough to cover all the walls, it wouldn’t be wise to undress there. Once there, I notice it is as simple as I can be with only a small bed, a small bookshelf, and wall frames with pressed flowers and bird doodles on them, but it smells clean and fresh. It smells like him. 

He asks me to remove my pants so he can take accurate measurements. Of course, I know this is only professional and nothing more, but that doesn't stop me from becoming nervous. I'm not ashamed of my body, despite my scars from battles and the rather soft tummy I've developed from the age I'm proud of how I look, but I'm not sure if I'm something to be admired of by Vulen. Part of me is not sure why I'm making this a big deal, the other part really wants an answer to that question. He started on my waist, giving him the opportunity to give me subtle hug since my body was too ide for him to surround me with his arms. Then he lowered the tape to my hips, adjusting it a good amount of times before he was satisfied with it and pull it away. He took note of the numbers on his notebook and gots on his knees and placed the tape around my tights, paying close attention to the numbers on it. By this point, I was so scared that all my nervousness and excitement for our closeness would scare him, or worse, offend him. It took every inch of my body to keep my head calm and my body cold, it was a good thing that the room was so cold despite Spring already starting.

‘’Do you remember when I said before that I’m not used to be selfish?’’ he says. Face inches to my naked tight, I can feel his hot breath in my skin and it takes me a great effort not to gasp. I look down at his beautiful purple eyes and nod. He lowers the measuring tape and continues writing numbers down. ‘’From a very young age, I understood that I couldn’t ask for more than what was given to me. It was easier to live without wanting other things besides your basics needs, and I was happy living that way. But now, I’m afraid I cannot see life like it used to before. I can’t just be satisfied anymore, Atticus’’

‘’Vulen’’ his sweet name comes out of my mouth almost desperately. He giggles and stands up, placing a hand on top of my chest and leaning just enough so I can hear his soft whispering.

‘’Ever since you walked to my shop I felt my heart explode with so many emotions. I thought it was just a crush, something that I would get over it and get to admire you from afar. But you kept coming, Atticus. Almost every day I got to see you and my heart would start beating so fast sometimes hurt. For the first time since I was a child, I wanted something so strongly…’’ he hid his face in my chest. ‘’I want you so badly, Atticus. I fear I’ll go insane if I don’t tell you how I feel, even if I just ruin everything’’ he sobs.

There are no words that could describe how I felt at that moment. An unlimited rush of emotions, the heavyweight of worry leaving my shoulders, possible scenarios in where the worst could have happened already dissolving into nothingness. Everything and nothing at the same time. All I ever wanted, but still not yet satisfied. I only come back to my senses when I feel Vulen shivering, holding me tights and keeping his face pressed against me.

I pull away so I can see his lovely self. His blush is so deep even his freckles seem to have darkened. I kiss his forehead and he sighs, then his cute nose while his hands travel all the way until they stay on the sides of my face, and finally, his soft thin lips earning a surprised gasp. He tastes like the wine we were drinking, he feels so hot and the cold air makes me crave for that warmth. ‘’Atticus’’ he whispers my name first as I lift him, giving him now deep open-mouth kisses while we moan and gasp for air. I lay him in his bed, it is too small for the both of us to fit but somehow this can work. His small body trembles a little and I think for a second that he has become afraid by my sudden actions, but he slowly and gently takes my hand and places it on top of his chest. His heart is pounding so much, it’s like a living drum. He nods and smiles at me, the same smile he always gives me but this one feels so much sweeter.

I start kissing his neck, trying to find all the right spots to make him feel good. Learning his body like one learns an instrument, the sounds leaving him are the most beautiful melody I’ve ever listened to. ‘’Atticus’’ I hear him whimper but he makes no effort to push me aside. Instead, his long and slender arms wrap around my neck and his fingers start tracing the deep, rough scars on the back of my neck. I place a kiss on his chest, tentatively, just to make sure I’m not overstepping my boundaries with him. I am rewarded with a short moan and return my attention to his neck, he smells fresh and clean, like lemon zest and soap. I place a soft kiss, then another but much longer. Feeling brave I suck a bruise close to his shoulder, my fingers already eagerly opening the buttons of his waistcoat, ripping his shirt out of him to see more of his lovely skin. Vulen gives in to the pleasure, his moans turn into whines when I had to pull away from him to take one last look at him.

The darker patches of his skin cover his chest, even darker freckles appear in his shoulders and lower belly. He’s leaner than I expected, I can almost see his ribs despite having eaten a three serving of lamb stake with carrots. The scent of lemon gets stronger the more skin it’s revealed to me, all the time his purple eyes never leave mine, silently begging me for more of my eager touch. ‘’Atticus’’ he whispers my name one last time. Honey dripping from his lips as if my name was the most wonderful thing in our common tongue. He opens his arms and I fell into them, nuzzling my face to his neck and making him giggle.

‘’That tickles!’’ he says between laughs.

‘’You told me you liked my beard’’ I tease.

He puts his hands around my face and looks at me with all the love in the world. ‘’I do. I like you very much’’

Have you ever felt that your heart suddenly stopped? As if an arrow had just gone through it with such force you only realize it when you’re down in the ground. Hearing his sweet voice saying that made my heart skip a beat, my throat went dry, and no words could come out. All I could do was to press my lips to his, taking the breath out of his lungs as if they were my only source of life.

No other night could be compared to the one I spent with Vulen. No other day could be brighter than the look of his eyes. All night we used our bodies to express our feelings; I made love to him, each and every time I couldn’t have enough of his sweetness. His moans only fueled my desire of him, and he never seemed to have enough of my passion either. What started as sweet, caring, and a little nervous soon turned into something much rougher, passionate, and wild. By the end of the night, my legs were hurting and cramping, our bodies were covered by sweat, and we were so out of breath we pass out without even bothering covering us with the sheets or closing the window.

I held Vulen against my chest, my face buried in his soft hair while he took gentle breathings. At that moment, the world when quiet, and the people outside the room stopped existing. There were only Vulen and me, cuddling, enjoying each other’s warmth in a cold night where we didn’t notice the breeze.

A small thought appeared in my head before drifting to sleep; I had what I wanted. Right? Then, why does my heart still feels greedy? Why do I not feel satisfied at all? But unlike other nights, this thought didn’t make me feel guilty. On the contrary, I knew exactly what to do in order to make things right for both of us. 


	2. Humbleness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vulen never thought his feelings would be returned in such a way, but no matter how sweet the moment can be, sometimes you cannot escape what has been following for years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote and deleted this two times before I was finally content with it. Worth it! <3

''You're boiling like a kettle and trembling like a leaf!'' my sister yells at me when she touches my forehead. She just came back from the long trip to the nearby village just to buy less expensive supplies for the pantry, but she’s taking care of me instead of resting. She had to take her baby with her since I cannot look after them while working in the shop, the first floor has too many supplies that could be dangerous for him to be crawling around so I can only take care of him during weekends or free days. Although, right now it seems she would have to take care of the two of us.

She freaked out a little when she came back around lunchtime and saw the shop still closed, my throat felt tight and sore, and my body felt as if covered in flames. She says it's probably just a cold and that it'll pass in a couple of days, however, she orders me to stay in bed until the fever slows down a bit. ''I'm going to check on Vel first, then I'll make you something easy to swallow, okay?'' I nod slowly and smile, happy to see that no matter how many years pass I'll always be her little brother. 

She leaves me after placing a cold damped rag in my forehead, making her way to the first floor and closing the door behind her. If I could, I would laugh at how things came to be like this but my mouth is too dry from coughing. Memories from the night before are still alive and playing in my head over, and over, probably making my fever more bad than good. The memory was a sweet one; his rough beard tickling my skin whenever he kissed my skin, the strong scent of his cologne impregnating the sheets of my bed and my pillow, how powerful he looked on the dim light coming from the moon and the stairs, how safe yet vulnerable he made me feel all at once! My heart was pounding so loud and my body was shaking nonstop, a passion so deep it was melting me to my core. A dream from which I never wished to wake up.

We should have been more cautious but I can't blame him for what happened to me, after all, we were just too busy with each other to care for the open window or the damp sheets with sweat. I bet he rushed out of bed to his morning training as soon as he saw the light from outside, probably didn't want to wake me up either although I would have liked to wish him a good morning. Everything felt so surreal I truly believed I had fantasized everything, but the pain in my thighs and soreness in my muscles was evidence of it.

I had managed to ask my crush for months, Lord Atticus, General of the royal army, to a date with little me! Well, actually I had to trick him a little in order to make it more like a date, but I was relieved when he stayed for dinner. The meal turned out well, the wine was at its right temperature, and he looked so handsome in casual clothes! I wasn’t lying when I said that I wished to make a complete set for him for the Spring ball, and I still plan on doing so once I recover! Seeing him so relaxed, so comfortable around me was enough to feel my heart swell his butterflies, and in a way, I felt special. If he were to think about me at least once a week, then I’ll felt like the luckiest guy in the city.

For a moment I debated if I should have spoken about mine and Vela’s lineage. All our lives we’ve been looked down for most noble people, and the idea that he would look at me the same way could have crushed my heart, but I knew him. He wasn’t like the others, no, he was kind and loyal. He didn’t saw title or birthplace when it came to keeping the city safe, he made a vow to protect and has kept it since then. Of course, once I finished my tale he looked at me with a pained expression, but he didn’t speak more. He brushed the issue aside and followed to my room upstairs willingly without making questions.

I have to admit that the wine helped me feel braver than what I usually am. Never before I would have been able to act with such boldness and desperation if I were my usual self, but the warmth flowing through my body, mixed with my eagerness and the way he was looking at me with such an intense gaze… I just couldn’t keep my feelings at bay anymore. It didn’t matter if he didn’t share the same feelings at me, or if he only saw me as someone to spend the night, I was just glad he accepted my passion and reciprocated with his own. ‘’One night was enough for me to remember him’’ is what I kept thinking, and those were repeated themselves as I slept in his arms. ‘’This is enough. I can’t be greedy, so this is enough’’

However, aside from the fever and the coughing, there were a few issues that continue bothering me. The first one was that the wine had left large gaps in my memory, and even though I remember most of the beginning I couldn’t be sure if I had been a decent lover last night. There was only so little I could do with my lack of experience, what if I messed it up before we fell asleep? The unsureness and mystery were eating me from the inside out! I had fantasized for that night for so long, and once I had it, I couldn’t remember it quite well!

And the second issue was, well, what would happen between the two of us from now on? Would this only make things more awkward for the two of us? Should I act as if nothing had happened? Or what if he’s actually angry because I didn’t behave as expected? So many questions and no answers for me.

It was one thing that I wasn't ashamed of sharing my past with him, but that didn't mean I wasn't realistic with my expectations. I knew I’m not a very skilled tailor, my shop being famous only because I make clothing for all sorts of species, and so I’m not very wealthy. Hell, I live on top of my humble shop with my family. I’m pretty sure Atticus knows many noblemen and women with luxurious houses, fancier attires, and gorgeous faces to look at. When I put myself beside him, I see clearly how distant we truly when it comes to our social status, and it worries me that his career could suffer because of our little encounter. That’s why I kept reminding myself that one night is enough. I know who I am and where I belong, so just having him as a dear friend it’s enough for me.

Frustrated, I roll to my side and hug my pillow tightly trying to find some comfort. My pillow smells like his cologne; a dim scent of pine trees and nutmeg, refreshing and strong just like him. No wonder I cannot keep him out of my thoughts since I woke up!

I sat up in my bed and noticed my sister had put a wool blanket on top of the sheets to keep me warm. I was a little dizzy so it took me a couple of minutes to adjust my sight before moving my legs to the side and putting my feet to the floor, feeling the cold floorboards sent a shiver through my spine. There were a few light bruises on the sides of my thighs, the places where he had dig his nails were clearly market in my pale skin with dark patches. I noticed that he even had suck on a bruise on my left shoulder in the heat of the act. I smiled sweetly, even though I am sore I embrace the feeling, making the effort to get up without losing balance. I take the chance to quickly close the curtains since the sunlight was hitting me right in the face, and quickly making my way down to the first floor.

I notice Vela grumbling something out loud but not clear enough to understand what she was saying. I peer through the door of the small kitchen connected to what we use a living room. Little Vel is sitting in their usual high chair munching in some mashed banana. When they see me they stretch their chubby arms towards me while giggling with their mouth full. My little nibling isn't like my sister and me; they didn't inherit the same trait of elves as we did, their tiny ears weren't pointy at all and their skin was the color of warm sand. Although they had fluffy hair, unlike ours that was white and very fine, theirs was black and rough with thick curls, the only thing that we share was our matching purple eyes. I never questioned her about who was the father, she was too worried and too heartbroken to even tell me, so all I could do was smile and keep working hard in order to keep the business and the family afloat. I never regret it and would do it a hundred times again, just as I'm sure she would take care of me all over again.

My sister notices them making a fuss over giggles, stopping from chopping vegetables, and turning to glare at me. 

''I thought I told you to stay in bed'' she said in her usual grumpy tone but I know her well enough to know she's not really mad at me. 

I wrap the blanket around me tighter and give her an apologetic smile. ''I still need to use the bathroom, sis''. She huffs and continues to chop. ''What were you mad about? I could hear you complaining from the stairs''

She grunts and rolls her eyes. ''I went to buy eggs for the evening just because I couldn't find some in town that wasn't expensive as hell! When I returned I saw this big, hulky guy waiting in front of the shop so I told him the shop will be close for a couple of days and, if he needed something to come back tomorrow, but then he started asking for you and where were you. It pissed me off, so I told him that you weren't available and to go fuck himself!'' 

_Oh, dear._

How many tall people lived in the city? Plenty, to be honest, it could have been anyone. How many tall people have ordered clothes these couple of weeks? Three at least, since I'm the only tailor who makes customized clothing. Still, I needed to be sure. 

''Was he at least this tall?'' I put my hand over my head and stretched as much as I could to reach his real height. ''Did he had white hair and a peppered beard too?'' 

Vela's eyes widen in surprise which I take as confirmation. Oh no, so he met her and she insulted him. _Great_. She then frowned and pointed her spoon toward me. ''Wait, isn't he the one you always keep talking about? The one you worked until morning to finish the embroidery on the fabric?''

I looked up, then down, then at her, and looked down immediately. Vela has always been overprotective over me, and I can't blame her. I'm grateful for all she has done for me, plus, never before I had shown any interest in anyone so it's normal that she worries. But I cannot apologize for falling a little for him; his casual smiles, his sudden flirting, his wonderful way of being with others, and how much of a gentleman he is. I like him very much, more than most things and I cannot stop it. The smile blossoming in my face makes things clear for her. ''It's just a little crush, Vela. It'll pass'' I say to reassure her but also to remind me too. 

She bites her lips and opens her mouth to speak but words don't come out, instead, she returns to stir the pot. ''Go to the bathroom and wash your face. I'll bring lunch to your bed as soon as it is ready'' I do as I'm told and hurry upstairs once I'm ready. 

I'm a little worried that Atticus could have taken Vela's words too seriously, after all, she doesn't have the best personality to get along with, but I don't think he'd be too worried about it. He's always so calm and collected, I can count the times I've seen him nervous or in distress with one hand.

I don't want to lose that just because I couldn't keep my feelings at bay! But what if he's angry at me? What if I misread everything and he actually didn't mean for things to go that far? What I messed up everything? Worry started to fill my thoughts and I could feel my head getting hotter.

Later in the day, I drank the herbal tea Vela made which was bitter than chewing on basil leaves but somehow made me feel sleepy again, so after lunch, I continue napping and worrying over the same issues.

I should focus on getting better and then I can go cry about what hasn't happened or what could happen, but the thoughts keep coming back just to torment me. I feel weaker than ever. 

* * *

Two days passed and I was starting to get better thanks to bed rest and my sister's medicine. 

I couldn't work during that time so I had to send the costumers letters that their orders would be delayed for at least a week. Some asked for their money back, others understood without complaining, it didn't bother me. That's how business is after all. Then, I remembered the Spring ball and the set I had made for Atticus. I wanted to recover just so I could finish the last piece and couldn't help but imagine how handsome he would look in it! Darker colors always suited him well. 

It was usual to bring someone with you during the ball, if not to chat then to drink, and if possible being able to dance with that person too. It was a ball after all. Would Atticus ask someone to go with him? If I say that I didn't imagine the two of us together in such a fancy environment, drinking fancy cocktails and dancing under the dim lights, it would be a lie. I wanted that more than anything and the hope for it to happen was small but still there, but then again, my self-sabotage attitude forbids me from wishing it.

There was a knock so I sat up and told them to come in. Vela came with another tray with food, some sort of stew with barley and peas as well as some slices of bread. I started eating eagerly but instead of leaving she sat at the feet of my bed and looked at me with sad eyes. 

''What's the matter?'' I asked with my mouth full of soggy bread.

''I'm worried about you, Vu'' I stare at her in surprise. How long has it been since she called me like that? Years maybe, but it emphasized how worried she must be for me. I was getting ready for a long lecture. ''I saw it in your eyes, you know? It’s the same look I had when I met Vel's father back in the day when I was young and inexperienced, and so full of hope and love I thought nothing could go wrong…’’ she paused for a moment, looking at her hands. ‘’I know you might think it's meant to be and that you two would only look at each other, that you'll be there for one another no matter the weather, the sickness, or the troubles between the two of you. But that's not how things often are, Vu. Sometimes life isn’t a fairytale when it comes to love… sometimes, people's heart change suddenly''

I put the bowl aside and grab her hand. ''Is that what happened?'' I stop myself from asking. This was the first time she ever talked or even mentioned what had happened. I thought she would tell me more only nodded. She held my hand tightly and started sobbing, looking away to hide her face from me. ''I don't want you falling like I did Vu, you're far too innocent and too inexperienced. I'm so afraid you'll end up getting hurt!'' 

Pulling my thoughts together I guess I can only partially understand her worry. I very much worried like she did when she came back that night with the news of being with baby, I enraged to this man without knowing him and suffered alongside her. However, I was lucky that she always took care of me and worried about my wellbeing, she had carried with a responsibility that wasn’t hers to carry. Yet, never had I heard her complain. I don’t want to see her suffer anymore, and she wants the same for me.

I pull her towards me and hugged her tightly. ''I'll be fine Vela. I know you worry but you don’t need to carry with the worry anymore, I’m a grown adult after all!’’ I smile and she smiles for me as well. ‘’I doubt things would go further than it already did''. She wiped her tears and frowned at me. ''Oh, come on! You can't expect me to be pure forever, I deserve to choose who I decide to be with. Besides, Atticus is a gentleman and would never do anything to hurt me. We are good friends, that’s all'' 

She looked at me and raised an eyebrow. ''So, you don't want anything to do with him?'' I shook my head. ''Then, do you want to be with him?'' I shrugged. ''Well, what do you expect to happen now?!'' she demanded.

''I don't know! I'm just happy that he returned my feelings even if I'm just-'' I shut myself up. I didn't want to say it because it would be an insult to her as well. I could let my insecurities become louder inside my head to the point of self-hatred, but Vela has no fault in it. But despite not saying my thoughts out loud the look in her face told me everything; she was also guilty of thinking the same after all this time. It feels as if we would never be free from our lineage, free from judgmental looks or cruel comments to our backs whenever we go, and the last I want it’s for Vel to live under the same looks. ''I'm sorry Vela, I- I didn't mean-'' she patted my head and smiled at me softly, placing a finger to my lips. She already knew what I was going to say, there was no point in apologizing for anything. With a soft kiss on my temple, she left the room and I fell back to the sheets, covering my eyes with my arm.

* * *

I didn't remember falling asleep. I only realize it when I woke up and could see the sky turn darker from a gap between the curtains. The usual bright light blue was now fading with that fire orange and pink, the air was chilly and the tree branches were moving with the strong breeze, and only a couple of carriages could be heard from outside. People were too tired and eager to go back home with their families, or just to run to the comfort of their warm bed. I sat up feeling much lighter and refreshed, my headache was gone and only left me with a little dizziness. I still had a bit of cough but nothing a couple of cups of tea with honey could fix. 

I stretched my arms to the ceiling, making my back pop with a sound and making me gasp but there was no pain at all. When I was going to get out of bed I heard loud voices coming from outside my room, I heard Vela's clearly recognizable voice but couldn't understand what she was saying or to whom she was talking to. The voices stopped and heavy footsteps became closer by the second. My first reaction was to hide under the sheets, I wasn't truly sure why but I got spooked by the loud footsteps. The door opened with a squeak that sent chills down my spine, the steps coming closer to my bed until I felt someone sit at the end of the bed. My heart was raising like a hummingbird, the fact that someone had just entered my room made me imagine all the worst possible scenarios. Until I felt the dim scent of pine trees getting stronger. 

''I know you probably don't want to talk to me. I guess, I deserve it for being a brute, but I just wanted to make sure you're okay and say that, well, that I'm sorry for hurting you''.

Atticus's voice was like music to my ears, but his words weren’t making much sense at all.

I noticed he stood up when I felt his weight being lifted from the bed, but he just stood there, almost as if he were unsure whenever to leave or stay a little longer. After a couple of seconds, he spoke once again. ''I'll be leaving now. Hopefully, you'll still consider me your friend the next time we see each other'' 

I moved the sheets aside and grabbed his wrist, startling him and making him fall onto his back. I refused to let go so I end up falling on top of him, with my hair a mess and still in my nightclothes I took hold of his face so he wouldn't look away from me. ''What are you talking about?! Last night was the happiest night of my life! I felt so protected, so sure and happy that you accepted my feelings, and so eager to express you my feelings!'' I could see his dark eyes widen but glimmering in the darkroom. ''I never had felt anything so powerful towards anybody, I’ve been scared of people before but have only felt safe from everything when I’m with you. I never even thought about liking anybody to the point of wanting to share a bed with them! All I ever thought about was work, and more work so we would be fine during winter and that was okay with me! And then, you came around and didn't look at me like something little like the others did, and you always came around sometimes just to talk or cheer me up. I still remember when you stood up for in front of those pesky noblemen who tried to get their stuff for free''

My voice was definitely louder but the words were flowing like a wild river. I just couldn't stop them, not now. 

''You're so kind, so handsome, so willing to help everyone and I'm just… I’m just- a half-breed bastard who lives in a two-room floor!'' I sob loudly, fat tears fall down into his chest damping his shirt as my sight becomes blurry. I never wanted him to hear such heavy words from me. Let others say it, but not me. But I needed to get rid of this heavy stone weighing on my heart even if just for a second.

''Who filled your head with these awful lies?'' he asked me, his tone wasn’t angry but concerned.

''Nobody, it's true! You always made me feel bigger, something more than what I truly am, but that's no true and you could have so much better. Someone who truly deserves you unlike me''. The words came out as painfully as I imagined. Atticus was a good man, he would never say such awful things, but to me, these were facts. This was the reality I lived on what kept me from trying to dream for more because I couldn't escape from the blood that ran in my veins.

He let me be for a couple of minutes as I tried to cover my face to hide both the pain and the shame. As he started to sit he scooped me in his arms and sat me on his lap, gently rubbing my back and kissing my temple in an attempt to call me down. Minutes passed and I tried to remain control of my emotions. I didn't notice when he stood up and carried me to the bed, however, he just sat in the bed and continue holding me against his broad and warm chest.

‘’Do you really think I would care for such things?’’ he suddenly asked. I shook my head but couldn’t look at him yet. ‘’I don’t know who filled your head with such awful lies, because that’s what they are. LIES. You’re a hardworking young man, a good brother, and a thoughtful uncle as well. You’re kind to everybody and offer your skills to whoever needs it, and most importantly; you smile despite being hurt in order to cheer people up. Tell me, do you still think you’re so little?’’

It wasn’t as easy as it sounded. I knew he was trying to convince me in order to help me but- ‘’It’s not just that. I mean, what about you? You’re a lord! What would people say if the saw you with a poor half-elf tailor?’’

He kissed me, quick and fast, and didn’t let go of me. His lips were as rough as I had remembered them, and even though his beard tickled a lot I found myself pulling him closer to me, deepening the kiss as if I could only breathe the air from his lungs. When he pulls away, I couldn’t speak, still swimming in the afterglow.

‘’Let them say, whisper, scream if they want to! For all of them must be jealous that I’m holding the hand of the most beautiful creature in the world!’’ he said with pride in his voice. 

The way he says such things, it’s as if they were sweeter than honey cakes or chocolate truffles. I took deep breathes and focus on the moment, taking hold of those words for as long as I needed. I wanted to believe them so badly. I wanted to move on from this mindset too. I knew it would take time for me to truly believe them and stop letting such anxious thoughts to overcome me, I know it will be no easy task for me to do, but maybe, just maybe, if he's by my side I can feel a little braver? It was such a selfish wish, to rely on someone else to overcome your fears that shouldn't be bothering when you come to a certain age. Yet, here I am. Trembling like a leaf because of what people may have whispered days or years ago, believing there's always eyes looking and fingers pointing at me. 

He kissed once more, as soft and tender as before, and let me run my hands through his hair. I was a little worried because I wasn't recovered at all and could pass the cold to him, but he didn't seem to mind. I guess knights need to be healthy in order to stay long nights sleeping in the wild. I wanted to say that I was sorry but realized it would be pointless unless I try to say so. That reminded me-

‘’Wait, why were you saying that you were sorry before I jumped at you?’’ 

‘’Oh!'' he chuckled nervously and avoided my gaze for a second. Was he... embarrassed? ''I was actually dead worried about that night!’’

‘’Uh? How so? You didn't do anything’’

‘’Well… I was worried that I was a little too rough with you. I wanted to be a gentleman but I let myself lose control a couple of times... ok, many times in a row. And since you seemed a little dizzy because of the wine I couldn’t be completely sure if you were really okay. I was worried that I had taken advantage of you or that maybe, you didn't wanted things to end up the way they did. After all, before that night I had the idea that you weren't interested in me in the slightest’’

I feel so dumb. I don’t know why it just hit me the possibility that he could have worried about such things as well. I guess we don’t know as well as we thought we did, but in its own way, that’s fine too.

‘’I came to see you a couple of days before but found the shop closed. I asked your sister but she just got mad at me’’ Oh yeah, I remember Vela mentioning that. ‘’But when I walked away and looked to what was supposed to be your window I could only see you closing the curtains, so I just assumed you didn’t want to see me’’ he explained to me wearing an apologetic smile.

Oh, dear. How did we end up like this? I started laughing before I could notice. The whole ordeal was just too ridiculous but all too possible, and I felt so silly for worrying so much! I felt even more relieved knowing he had been worrying to death too, as displeased as that sounded. Our laughs mixed together sounded so well together despite having different tones.

‘’IT’S LATE! BE QUIET!’’ we heard Vela screaming from the room beside mine followed by Vel’s giggles. The two of us felt shiver crawling to our spines. In a fast moment, Atticus put me back in bed as I weighed nothing and cover me again with the sheets.

''Feeling a little better?'' I nodded. ''Good. Your sister is going to kill me if your fever comes back'' he joked and I laughed silently with him. 

''So, what's going to happen now, Atticus? What would be of us now after everything that happened?'' 

''Well,'' he sat beside me and moved a few loose hairs aside. ''First things firsts. You're going to stay in bed for a few more days so you can recover well. Then, once you're happy and healthy, I intend to take you somewhere nice or maybe invite all of you for dinner at my house. And then, well, I have a good amount of ideas for future dates that can wait for another time, but for now, what I can assure you is that I'm going to start the courtship as soon as Spring arrives'' 

I grabbed his hand and brushed my thumb to it. ''Is this really okay? For you to be so thrilled by a little thing like me?'' I couldn't help but ask again, needing to hear it one more time. I had lived for under this massive shadow made from my insecurities and anxiety for so long, that I can no longer enjoy the warmth of most things without fear. 

He smiled at me, as heartwarming as ever. ''You may be a little thing, but you sure are full of surprises'' he kissed my nose and patted my head. ''Rest well for now'' 

* * *

Truth to his word, as soon as Spring arrived Atticus began his so-called courtship. The day I opened the shop he stormed in with a massive bouquet of lilies and buttercups for me all of them beautifully arranged with lace and a tiny note attached to it. The note read; ''no matter how big or small your body might be, no matter if we met as royals or peasants, and no matter in which life we found again. My heart will be yours now and forever''. Such a cheesy and sweet note, too pretentious but nonetheless, utterly beautiful. I put the flower on a base on top of the small bookshelf in my room, while I kept the note hidden in one of my favorites books about poetry. The week after he took for a stroll near the lake, the flowers were in full bloom and they smelled wonderfully decorating the place with more colors than the ones in a rainbow. We held hand the entire time, took a couple of minutes to rest in the grass damped with morning dew, and returned by the time the sun was setting, finishing our date with a long and innocent kiss. And the next weeks continued as before; more gifts came to my door, more romantic letter whenever he couldn't be on the city, presents from nearby cities and towns all around the country, and one than another trophy from his beast hunts. The fur of an owlbear is still my favorite by far. 

Today we are sharing dinner in his house. He instead on cooking and only asked for me to get the table ready, and like on our first date a bottle of red wine was in the table. Atticus is a better cook than I, a little bit messier when it comes to cooking but I don't mind cleaning afterward. It is casual occasions like this when I can't help but imagine that we would fit very well in a daily routine living together, maybe we would be tired after working all day long, but at the end of the day, we would come back to our home. The more time I spend with him, the more I have allowed myself to dream for a bigger and better future.

''You've been such a charming gentleman, Atticus. Never before I thought I'd be kind of guy to take long strolls, but when you're with me, I rather enjoy them more than I first imagined'' I said, staring into the crystal glass in my hand. 

''Really? Should I take with me the next time I visit Orilon village? Or maybe you'd be more interested in visiting other kingdoms as well? I can always ask his majesty for a couple of vacations now that everything is calmed around the city, besides ordinary daily patrols I hardly have enough work to keep my mind busy, and I much rather take your to as many dates as possible!'' he says proudly, touring more wine into y empty glass. 

''I'll rather stay beside you, the place doesn't matter at all! But I'm afraid I'll have to postpone our dates for a while since the ball is close I have too many dresses and suits order for that day. I have finished most but there's still plenty and I haven't even finished the details. That reminds me, I never got to finish your suit too! How could I forget?!'' I gasp in horror and Atticus chuckles. He laces our fingers together and I feel my cheeks blushing madly for his soft touch and smile. 

''There's something I've been meaning to ask for a while. Of course, before it would have been rather uncomfortable and out of place, but also because I wanted you to be comfortable around me. And well, I wanted you to be sure if this, if _us_ , was something you really wanted'' he confessed to me looking a little nervous but his smile never faded. ''Well, enough of mystery! I wanted to, ask you if you would go with me to the Spring ball-''

I couldn't help but smile and giggle, amused that it took him so long to ask such a simple question. I already knew my answer. ''Of course, I would go with you-''

''-as my fiance?'' he finished his sentence and I froze. The realization of how heavy those words were made me impossible to move a muscle, not even blink. I could only stare at our hand entangled, feeling his grip tightening the more seconds passed without an answer from me. 

''I know it's been just a couple of months since I started courting you, maybe it is still too soon and I'm jumping out to concussions again'' he chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand. ''But, I've liked you ever since I lay eyes on you. The more I got to see you I knew I wanted to see you smile every day. And the more I got to know about you I knew I would never stop loving you until the day I die''. He told me these words as a deep blush covered his face up to his ears, little drops of sweat running from his forehead. Even before we confessed our feelings for each other I knew he wasn't a man of many words, and it took him great effort to express such complex feelings to other people, so I knew that the fact that he's saying them to me now has a great meaning behind its simplicity. ''Vulen...?'' he called for my name and I jumped. 

I felt... happy. So happy and so wrong at the same time. I wanted to pinch my cheek or hit my hand just to make sure I wasn't dreaming and this was another tortuous daydream of mine. Is it okay that someone like me could be so happy so soon? Is it truly okay that I can share my happiness and sadness, my ups and downs with the man I love? Is it okay that I'm this lucky?

I'm not sure if I truly deserve it. I'll probably never be truly comfortable with it and will start questioning at some point, but I'm so damn happy that I don't care. Heavy hot tears fell and my body started to shiver, and above all of that, I couldn't stop smiling brightly at him. I nodded and continue nodding because no words could come out of my mouth, my throat had tightened as I had swallowed a rock, but Atticus seemed to have gotten the message without a problem because he pulled me towards him and embraced me with all his might. We've kissed and hugged before, but right now, I can't imagine a safer place in the world than in this man's arms. 

''I love you'' I said to him, although it came out more like a whimper. ''I need to work even harder now though. I can't show up to the ball wearing simple clothes, especially if I'm engaged to the General'' I look up at him and smirk. 

He chuckled and pressed a soft kiss to my forehead. ''Whatever you decide to wear will be wonderful. Right now I'm not the General, nor a Lord, just the happiest man in the world!'' 

I laughed and cried. I felt happy and worried all the same, the sweetness of pain or joy mixing together was a tortuous delight for what I was never ready, but I'm glad I got to experience it. Maybe, I can be a little greedier and wish for our happy ending? 


End file.
